The Cruiserweights
by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Summary: Donkey Kong, Wiggler, and Rosalina are gathered by Toadette to spend the next two days together. The three form an odd friendship over the course of weird events, from Donkey Kong being frightful of barrels, to Wiggler having a panic attack over leaves, and to Rosalina pooping her panties! Oddly enough, given the Mario franchise, this isn't as awkward as it should be.
1. The Gathering

**The Cruiserweights**

**By Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus**

Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: Let's get this out of the way. I love Donkey Kong and Wiggler. I loathe Rosalina, so much that my hate is hotter and colder than anything and everything in the universe. And that's all you need to know. Enjoy the story!

* * *

Donkey Kong was looking at his mail in his treehouse, whistling to himself as he spotted something interesting. "Hmmm? Gather around for a special group meeting today!" He shrugged. "Well, I don't have anything going on in my life currently." He then jumped out of his treehouse, heading northward to the Mushroom Kingdom via a green warp pipe located within the Kongo Jungle.

Wiggler yawned as she stretched her front limbs, being on the top of her home in the Maple Treeway, when she grabbed a floating yellow letter from the sky. "Hmm? Special group meeting?" She squealed as she slammed her hands on her face. "Sounds fun! I'm gonna go right away!"

Princess Rosalina sighed of depression as she was in her bedroom, all alone as all the Lumas left her Comet Observatory. She was then hit in the face by a red mailbox, falling off her bed as she rubbed the back of her head with her right hand, seeing the blue letter coming to life as it waddled towards her. Rosalina grabbed it, but she got paper cuts on both of her hands, crying.

Later, at the recently renovated Mario Circuit for the Mario Kart 7 competition, the three individual Cruiserweight characters all gathered, all of them gawking as they looked at each other.

"Ugh! A filler recolor and a generic enemy?" Donkey Kong demoaned, placing his hands on his furry hips.

Wiggler stuck her tongue out as she shook her head. "Gross! An ugly human and a smelly ape that sounds like a stoned dog!"

Rosalina attempted to say something, but she burped loudly, causing her to blush in embarrassment as she folded her arms.

Suddenly, the three all got pinned down by a loud noise, causing all three to cover their ears as they looked up, to see Toadette holding a yellow megaphone.

"Attention, everyone!" Toadette called out as she giggled. "You're here because you are all part of particular groups in Mario Kart 7! For the next two days, you're gonna hang out with each other!" She winked while sticking out her tongue. "Have fun!"

Donkey Kong, Wiggler, and Rosalina all gasped as they got up, with everyone else gasping as well. Donkey Kong and Wiggler started screaming their heads off as they ran around in circles, while Rosalina was unable to say anything, simply speechless.


	2. DK Pass

Donkey Kong, Wiggler, and Rosalina were all hanging out at the DK Pass, to which they were spending the day creating snow forts. Donkey Kong had the largest one, using his strength to easily support the fort's mass. Wiggler and Rosalina didn't have as much power on their side, as they relied on making the snow fort as pretty as possible.

"Hey Rosa, heads up!" Donkey Kong exclaimed, forming a snowball.

Rosalina looked up, only to get planted in the face by the snowball Donkey Kong tossed. Wiggler giggled as she covered her mouth with both of her hands.  
Donkey Kong then tossed a snowball at Wiggler, laughing as he pointed.

Wiggler growled, turning red as she wiped the snowball off of her face, shaking her fists. "Ooh, DK! I don't like it when you surprise me like that!"

Donkey Kong continued laughing as he placed his hands on his hips. "Well, I don't mean to be making a donkey out of you guys, but I'm the king of surprise!" He then heard a loud rumble, turning to his right to see three wooden brown barrels rolling towards him. He screamed in fright as he started running down the cement paved road backwards, being scared of being flattened.

Wiggler and Rosalina watched in disbelief as Donkey Kong got cornered into a dead end, the tunnel being barricaded. Donkey Kong screamed as he got flattened by the three barrels, breaking apart after squashing him flat like a pancake. Wiggler and Rosalina ran down the path, looking at the squished Donkey Kong, who groaned in pain.


	3. Maple Treeway

Donkey Kong, Wiggler, and Rosalina were now in the Maple Treeway area, being around the tree's edge towards the bouncy bridge area, overlooking the orange grassy meadow below. Wiggler seemed to be feeling fine as she took in the beautiful skyline, while Donkey Kong and Rosalina noticed some leaves falling down.

"It's grand here!" Wiggler exclaimed as she held her hands together, smiling. "I sure do love racing around here!"

Donkey Kong had a bunch of red, orange and yellow leaves in his hands, approaching Wiggler. "Hey Wigs, how about some leaves to go with that awe?" He tossed the leaves at her.

Wiggler screamed as she flailed her arms about, trying to run from Donkey Kong as she fell off the bouncy bridge, landing in the water. Donkiey Kong and Rosalina looked at each other, with the green shelled Lakitu placing Wiggler back on the top of the bouncy bridge. Wiggler turned around, screaming as she pointed at the leaves. Donkey Kong glanced down at the leaves, then back at Wiggler, moving the leaves away. Wiggler screamed quieter, but got louder as Donkey Kong pushed the leaves towards her.

Rosalina was about to comment, when she was hit by several piles of wood from one of the tree houses above, knocked unconscious. Donkey Kong continued messing around with Wiggler, who was ever so terrified of the leaves.


	4. Music Park

Donkey Kong, Wiggler, and Rosalina were at the Music Park high in the sky, where it was always night, and where things always seemed... vibrant. Music always played, beats always lightened up the night, and everyone just danced their butts off. Unfortunately for Rosalina, she had a bit too much sweets, being hyper on sugar as she danced her booty off. Even worse, as a prank, Donkey Kong secretly planted several chocolate laxatives with the candy and sugary sweets, watching Rosalina shove them down her mouth.

"Donkey, I still can't believe you did that," Wiggler commented, having watched Donkey Kong sneak in the laxatives.

Donkey Kong scoffed as he rolled his eyes. "Please! I love pulling pranks! Besides, it's not like this will come back to haunt her." He reassured Wiggler.

As Rosalina stopped dancing, she placed her hands on her stomach, groaning in pain. Rosalina's stomach growled loudly, the laxatives starting to take effect as Wiggler watched with concerned, folding her arms as Donkey Kong chuckled. Rosalina farted loudly, her tuba like toot raising the back of her light blue dress that revealed her light blue panties, and causing the upbeat music to stop as her eyes widened, being embarrassed. Rosalina farted again, the raunchy fart getting deeper pitched as a noticeably large dark spot appeared on the back of her panties. Wiggler dropped her jaw in disbelief as Donkey Kong laughed his head off, pointing at Rosalina. Rosalina tried holding down her dress, but her third deep pitched tuba fart was so loud it caused the bottom half of her dress to rip off, fully revealing her panties as her panties got much darker and bigger, brown liquid dripping down her legs. Rosalina realized that she pooped herself, crying in embarrassment as she placed her hands on her poop covered butt. Wiggler was unable to say anything as Donkey Kong rolled on the ground laughing.

"Well, now Rosalina's butt is as brown as my fur!" Donkey Kong joked as he got up, wiping a tear from his eye. "And I guess now she's a class A party pooper..." He laughed again as he was shedding tears of laughter. "Oh... I love a good prank."

Wiggler grabbed a nearby hammer and smashed Donkey Kong on the head, knocking him out. Wiggler continued holding the hammer, but was unsure of what to do as Rosalina kept crying, not being able to stop pooping and farting loudly.


	5. DK Jungle

Donkey Kong, Wiggler, and Rosalina were all in the DK Jungle, with Donkey Kong tossing barrels at the tikis as Rosalina was being hypnotized, with Wiggler trying to gather as many bananas as possible. Dry Bowser and Petey Piranha watched from the sky, with Petey flying as Dry Bowser rid on top of him, looking down at the three.

"Peh. Those idiots really have no clue what they're doing." Dry Bowser commented as he rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

Petey nodded in unison as he fired brown goop down at the jungle, of which landed on Rosalina, completely covering her. Wiggler held a truckload of banans in her arms, only to slip on a lone banana peel, which caused her to collide into Donkey Kong. The bananas Wiggler held in her position fell, crushing both of the cruiserweight racers as the tikis laughed, with Dry Bowser and Petey chuckling to themselves.


	6. Rock Rock Mountain

"Aren't mountains fun?" Wiggler exclaimed as she was gliding with a red and white parachute, soaring throughout the open meadows surrounding the Rock Rock Mountain.

Donkey Kong was right behind her, using a completely yellow parachute with bananas and the red colored DK logo printed on it. "You bet! Soaring like this without a kart is a dream!"

Rosalina didn't have as much luxry with the parachute as Donkey Kong and Wiggler, as she was barely able to stay up in the air. She bumped into a maple oak tree, the winds from the east blowing her away as she got her head stuck in a hornet's nest. Rosalina screamed in pain as she got stung by the angry hornets, with Donkey Kong and Wiggler giving each other worried looks as they landed on the dirt paved path below, with Rosalina heading right into the rough river current below.


	7. Rosalina's Ice World

Rosalina's Ice World. The one and only place where Rosalina felt safe, if at all. While she was having a grand time sitting on the snow and watching the penguins dance, poor Donkey Kong and Wiggler were freezing their butts off, neither of the two cruiserweights wanting to be here.

"By far, this is the worst course in the game." Donkey Kong started off the conversation as he sneezed, shaking his head. "I can't believe they thought this place would be a good track. Absolutely disguting."

"But isn't Maka Wuhu terrible?" Wiggler added as she turned her head to the right, facing Donkey Kong.

Donkey Kong shook his head as he shivered, rubbing his giant hairy arms as fast as he could. "It used to, but now it got patched."

Wiggler gasped as she slowly nodded her head. "Ah. But, it's still pretty bad."

"Not as bad as this crappy course," Donkey Kong snarkly commented as he covered his mouth with his right hand, "And even if it wasn't attached to Rosalina, it would still suck."

Rosalina overheard the comment, getting up and walking towards Donkey Kong, only to trip over a sliding penguin, landing on her face, her light blue panties revealed as the northern winds blew up her dress. Donkey Kong and Wiggler watched awkwardly as Rosalina farted loudly, the back of her panties turning brown as the penguins noticed and pointed at Rosalina, laughing. Rosalina got up, and she began crying as she farted more, her tuba like toots echoing throughout the frozen course.


	8. The Experiment

Toadette yawned as she stretched her arms, to see Donkey Kong, Wiggler, and Rosalina all back on the renovated Mario Circuit. She smiled as she got off her butt on the smooth green grass, walking over to the three Cruiserweights as she placed her hands behind her back. "So? How did it go with these two days?"

"I got frightened by barrels..." Donkey Kong admitted with shame as he dropped his head, closing his eyes.

Wiggler rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment as she groaned. "I had a panic attack over leaves..."

Rosalina farted loudly, causing her to cry again as she rubbed her eyes with both her hands. "I was gassy and I pooped myself twice..."

Toadette looked awkwardly at Rosalina as she stuck her tongue out in disgust. "Eww..." She shook her head as she placed her hands on her hips, smiling. "Well, it sounds like you guys had a fun time!"

"Fun time!?" Donkey Kong and Wiggler exclaimed in shock as Rosalina pooped herself again in shock.

Toadette giggled as she wrapped her arms around the back of her head. "Gotcha, didn't I? Well, I hope you enjoyed this little experiment!" She whistled merrily as she skipped towards the western direction, with Donkey Kong and Wiggler watching in awe as Rosalina continued crying her heart out, pooping her panties with indignity. These previous two days were pretty weird, but the Cruiserweights managed to get through it... for the most part.

And Mario Kart 7 is a year old. But nobody actually cares since the actual game sucks. Shame.

**THE END**


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